The Social Dilemma (Is Social Media Fucking With Your Happiness?)
I reluctantly watched the Social Dilemma on Netflix over the weekend. And by reluctantly, I mean enthusiastically. I only say reluctantly because Netflix documentaries are almost always polarising and driven by a strong bias.
Translated: It’s impossible to know what to believe anymore. You'll either agree or disagree—and you'll likely be pissed off either way!
It was apparent from the trailer this documentary was out for blood. And I knew my own biases — on this occasion — would likely agree with it all instead of calling bullshit, which happens to be both my preferred and default mode. Bullshit is my happy place.
Unsurprisingly, as predicted, I nodded in agreement throughout. And while I am aware confirmation bias exists, I choose to ignore it in this instance because, fuck it, I'm right.
Or, at least, the high-level execs who played a role in hacking our psychology — ensuring we're as addicted to our phones as one can be to crack — are right.
If you are looking for an objective view — as the Brits would say — Toodle-oo!
Turns out I'm not a fan of horror movies, so I wasn't munching on my popcorn as enthusiastically as I would have liked. This bad boy pulled no punches as it outlined the harrowing impact social media is having on our culture, our minds, our politics, and our children.
A lot of, if not all the — let's call it anecdotal — evidence presented isn't new. But seeing it presented in a slick easily digestible format is.
And, as far as I'm concerned, with its narration and presentation coming from former industry giants who all played a significant role in making social media what it is today — a shit show — the movie has all the credibility it needs.
Even more so by the fact, several appeared as if they might shit themselves for disclosing what they were about to disclose.
The big picture:
We have far less control over these apps than we think. We are not the customer. We are the product. And not one aspect of our experience has been left to chance.
Social media is designed to make addicts of us all with algorithms far more intelligent than all the men and women in Silicon Valley combined—algorithms that know more about us than we do ourselves.
These algorithms are designed to prey on our deepest fears, insecurities and inadequacies. And when you try to break free, or they see you at your weakest, boom, they serve you with a little hit of dopamine for a moments reprieve to keep you coming back for more.
Fighting back would be the equivalent of a toddler trying to dribble the ball around Lebron James.
““We’ve moved away from having a tools based technology environment to an addiction and manipulation based technology environment. Social media isn’t a tool. It has its own means of using your psychology against you.” ”
These tech giants may as well be running factory farms for humans. And while that comment is insensitive and unfair to defenceless little piggies everywhere who have no quality of life or free will, one of the most disturbing claims of the Social Dilemma suggests how little free will we have — especially teenage girls who appear to be the worst off for it.
The most alarming takeaway:
In the U.S., suicide and self-harm amongst teenage girls soared from 2008, just around the time social media was taking off.
For self-harm, the figure is up 62% for older teen girls and a whopping 189% for pre-teen girls.
For suicide, the figure is up 70% for older teen girls and 151% for pre-teen girls.
Coincidence? Many will argue it is. I am not one of them. Sure, it's not black and white. Everything is polarising these days. Political unrest and uncertainty may be at an all-time high. But where is this news delivered? Correct. Through a carefully curated newsfeed that knows how to push your buttons, confirm your biases, fill you with insecurities, and ensure you vehemently oppose all that does not align with your beliefs.
And it’s not like all the bullshit going on in the world has been top of the minds of teenage girls for the past decade or so. They’re usually a little more preoccupied with boys and girls, validation, and the social hierarchy.
While the above numbers are startling, can you imagine just how bad things have to get for someone to consider self-harm or suicide and how many more are living in despair as a result?
And then you have these corporations who prefer to turn a blind eye in favour of money or power regardless of the consequences.
That element of it is fucking gross.
How else is it hurting us?
Let's keep it in the context of mental health because, similar to our timelines, it seems we are dealing with a never-ending cesspit.
Most living with chronic stress, anxiety, or depression who turn to social media for relief will likely only exacerbate the problem.
Read that again.
Note: I said most. Not all.
Considering all we know about about the ingredients for a happy, fulfilled life, it seems social media is teaching us the opposite — but in a sinister manipulative form. i.e. We are completely unaware it's happening. And even those who are aware appear to have little power to control it.
Here are just some of the ways Social Media might be fucking with your happiness:
It teaches you how not to be grateful for what you have, leaving you yearning for more and comparing yourself to others.
It makes it extremely difficult to live in the present moment, and therefore, increases the likelihood you will become anxious about the future or depressed about the past.
It tricks you into believing the opinions of strangers matter as you seek out likes and validation while neglecting your real-life relationships. The ones that matter.
It strips you of your precious time — time that could be spent creating a better life for yourself or facing up to shit you need to face but would rather avoid. Time that if spent wisely could deliver you that freedom you desire.
It manipulates you into believing you should feel great all the time, so you continuously chase a high that only ads to misery.
It promotes self-obsession. And an obsession with oneself is at the heart of all suffering.
That’s a little depressing to be fair. Apologies for that. Although I’m a big believer the depressed must face up to that which is depressing. Not avoid it. And if that stung, well, you’re welcome. Because now you can do something about it.
Here are a few things you can do to gain control back of your mind and your life if social media is taking from it:
1. Delete your account.
This is the real boss shit. While it will be the most difficult, it will also be the most effective. And that’s the route a boss takes.
I do believe in the coming years we will see more and more delete their accounts for their sanity. Not that I am one to talk, I permanently deleted my Instagram way back on Jan 1st 2020 when the year still had potential.
Then bored and drunk on whiskey one evening during lockdown, I decided to create a new one. This time for my dog. What's worse, I spelt her name wrong. And worse than that, I soon went on to create a new one for myself also.
2. Delete the apps from your phone.
Deleting your account might be too big an ask, but removing the apps from your phone today shouldn’t be a problem. This will grant you far more time, focus, and energy for that which is meaningful.
3. Carry out a massive cul.
Just ask yourself if those you are following are having a positive or negative impact on your life? If it is negative, unfollow them. Or hide them. Same goes for groups you are in, all pages you like, and influencers you follow. You can also hide stories on Instagram, which can do wonders for your productivity and tendency to pass judgment.
4. Stop taking it so seriously.
Just have fun with it. Post shit because it makes you feel good. Post it for the memory. Post it because you laughed. Post it for you. And learn to laugh at the madness of it all because madness is all it is.
I think that’s a quote from Notting Hill? Fantastic movie!
Final thoughts:
Personally, the scales lean towards negative for me, but it is by no means a crisis. And I suspect, for the vast majority, this is the case. And if it is a crisis for you, then you must take action because nobody else will do it for you.
For teens, it's a completely different story because their brains are still developing and their hormones are all over the place. And we all know how sensitive one can be in their formative years and how much damage this can cause later in life.
I honestly think dumbphones should be brought back for adolescents. And smartphones banned until they're 18. I know, I sound like such a Grinch.
I'm so incredibly grateful the only thing you could do on a phone when I was in school was play SNAKE and text. And if I were a parent, I would have genuine and warranted concerns over my child's health if they are buried in their phone and social media because not only can this shit cause an immense amount of suffering. It can kill.
Steve Jobs famously responded to a reporter who suggested his kids must love the iPad;
““Actually we don’t allow the iPad in the home. We think it’s too dangerous for them.””
Of course, there are positives, but I've already taken enough of your time, so on a final note I will say this: If it is messing with your mental health, then you should strongly consider deleting.
At least for a period so you can give your health the attention it needs because when it's all said and done, this is not the shit that's going to matter when you’re older.