Anxiety is Not Your Problem (try this approach instead).
Hundreds of thousands search Google every month for a cure to their anxiety. I was probably responsible for 100,000 of those searches alone back in 2005 when, after five years of torture, I had just discovered anxiety and panic attacks were an actual thing.
I get why people do it. Who wouldn't want a cure from something so vicious it destroys any quality of life once enjoyed?
It's not that I don't believe you can be "cured." It's that I firmly believe the pursuit of a "cure" in itself will only end up making you more anxious. The consequences of which are dire.
I'm certainly not telling you to stop your search. Hope is vital, and who knows what you'll find out there? But let's see what happens if you reframe it and shift your focus.
Anxiety is not your problem. It's your symptom.
By focussing on anxiety as the problem, you only stand to enhance the symptom. Which is the last thing anyone would want, right?
Sidenote: There are different grades to this. Most people who confidently speak of a cure probably don't know what an anxiety disorder is. You also can't put someone who has been struggling for a month in the same box as someone who has been struggling for a decade because both the body and mind will have endured significantly more trauma in the latter case. That said, I believe anyone desperate for a cure stands to gain an awful lot by reframing their problem.
For the purpose of this example, I'll focus on work anxiety and the stigma of mental health.
If you turn to someone looking for a bit of compassion and support and say, "Hey, I have anxiety," stigma will automatically kick in.
In their mind, they may label you another headcase or a snowflake.
They may also want to help but don't know how, so they'll get all weird and ruin your moment of vulnerability with their awkwardness and desire to move the conversation along quickly.
Either way, you are unlikely to get what you want out of the conversation — leading to increasing levels of anxiety. And the rest. Yuck!
Sucks, right? Especially when it took such courage in the first place. Now, let's flip it. And by flip it, I mean focus on the problem. Not the symptom. By doing so, you can enter a more relatable conversation,
"Sorry, I'm having an off day. My boss is an asshole."
"Tell me about it. My boss is a complete prick, too."
Now you are fast developing a rapport. And you're neither a nut nor a snowflake. YAY! With that rapport, you can add,
"This dude is such an asshole and bully; I'm so anxious from it all."
"No way, dude, me too."
And before you know it, you're plotting a double homicide.
It's important to open up, confide in others, and be vulnerable, but it's equally important to understand there are many ways to go about it.
And focusing on the actual problem and not the symptom is probably the better route because everyone carries a stigma around mental health. Everyone. Including you.
That stigma will wreak havoc on your mind if all your focus is on anxiety. Redefining the problem will prompt you to start looking for a better, more effective solution.
Remember: anxiety is not your problem. It's your symptom.
You can do a lot to lessen the severity of those symptoms, which is highly recommended, but they are unlikely to offer you the relief you so desperately crave if you're not prepared to look at the problem.
This, I would hazard a guess, is why so many suffer needlessly for so long. Because they are simply not looking at the problem. And, therefore, not resolving it. Which, you guessed it, will only ever lead to heightened symptoms with potentially catastrophic consequences in the long run.
What I would suggest you do is reevaluate how you view your anxiety,
Have you a laser focus on the problem without looking for solutions?
Are you attaching your anxiety to your identity?
And are you living in fear of the stigma?
The list goes on.
Here are just a few of the many problems that cause anxiety:
Bullying
Overprotective parents
Aggressive parents
Social Media consumption and time spent on the phone
A lack of support
A feeling of isolation
Loneliness
Any assault or specific trauma
Heartbreak
Sexual confidence
Relationship shit
Broken heart
Work
Work pressure
Your boss
Finances
Personal development
Certain influencers
General health
Again, the list goes on. And on. And on.
I have spoken to A LOT of people struggling with anxiety or depression, and one of the very first things I will do is identify the problem—because that's where the relief is found.
I'm not saying it's easier, and the other stuff doesn't count. But it's easier than avoiding it. And your life will be far better for it.
You have to ask yourself what's going on in your life — past or present — that's causing you this anxiety? Only then can you really address it? Surely that’s a better way to approach it?
Over and out.