An Alternative — and far more effective — Way to View "Acceptance" for Anxiety and Panic Relief

Suppose I were a parrot? With my one-word vocabulary, I'm tasked with the job of helping you obliterate panic attacks and anxiety. What would I do? I'd sit perched on your shoulder all day singing — or tweeting — "ACCEPTANCE," of course.

Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance.

And as I gasped for my last breath while you strangle me to death, I'd utter it one more time... acceptance!

Remember: I'm a parrot. And you just killed me. If I could scream out motherfucker, I would. But acceptance is all I got.

Moving on: Without a doubt, the greatest paradox of anxiety — that causes immense suffering — is the more you resist it, the more it persists. Therefore, to have any chance of beating it, you have to begin to accept it.

Acceptance should not be confused with giving up, which — unfortunately — is often the case. A phenomenon known as "learned helplessness."

Learned helpfulness might look a little like this: You reach a point in your life where you feel you've tried every tip and trick you can find on the internet promising a cure. It hasn't worked.

You've spoken to and received treatments from dozens of professionals. They haven't helped.

You've subscribed to the voodoo shit, cried out to the Universe, and followed all the advice of The Secret. Shockingly, it hasn't helped, either.

Somehow, someway, despite all you've done and tried based on recommendations of those who appear more sure of themselves than the Donald himself, your panic attacks and anxiety prevail.

So you accept you'll never be normal again while simultaneously pining for normality. And you do everything and anything you can to lessen the severity of these horrifying sensations causing you such despair.

Your mind has been primed to believe your situation is a lost cause. You might even believe you're a lost cause? Thus, you've "learned helplessness."

(Note: I wrote an article on this subject: Turn "Learned Helplessness" into Hopefulness. You can read it here.)

What is true acceptance?

Acceptance in its purest form is when you stop trying to fight your anxiety. You stop living in fear of those horrible sensations you can't seem to escape. It is not just coming to terms with a new normal that prevents you from living your life.

Anxiety — and most definitely panic attacks — literally feed off your fear and resistance. Therefore, as much as you hate it, you have to grow to love it. You have to welcome the sensations you dread. Sit with them, feel them, and realize sensations are all they are, brought on from too much adrenaline and cortisol pumping through your body.

A little less bastard of a paradox is, the more you practice discomfort, the more comfortable you will become. The less you fear anxiety, the more likely your anxiety is to fuck off.

Imagine opening the gates of heaven for the Devil and welcoming him with open arms? How will he react? Likely get all awkward and retreat back to hell. The fucker!

Anxiety is the Devil: When you truly accept anxiety, the sensations you dread and fear so much will — maybe for the first time ever — finally begin to back down.

What might acceptance look like: A two-step punch

1. Invite and welcome anxiety into your life

My preferred method — and what I like to teach — is progressive desensitization (baby steps) because I believe it is both the safest and most effective approach.

If you have an anxiety disorder, you've likely experienced a crushing blow to your confidence and self-trust. Therefore, you need to train, prime, and build back that trust and confidence in yourself once more.

Placing yourself in your most anxiety-inducing environment may backfire. And we don't want any more setbacks. We want success. Wins. Stacked up on top of each other. Baby steps can provide you with the momentum swing you need.

A less risky environment that allows you to welcome the sensations of anxiety and sit with them to really feel them and understand they are just sensations can be extremely powerful in the healing process.

2. Reframe your anxiety to excitement

Biologically speaking, there isn't much difference between anxiety and excitement. The major difference is how we frame it — how we perceive it.

With excitement, our focus is on all that can go right. With anxiety, we focus on all that can go wrong.

Reframing your anxiety from dread to excitement is known as "Anxious Reappraisal." And, as outlined in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, it's proven far more effective than trying to calm yourself down.*

You simply need to tell yourself you're excited when you're nervous and begin to channel that energy for a more positive outcome.

Remember: This is a process. Don't get discouraged if the results don't come immediately. The more you practice, the better you'll get. Both steps are vitally important, so why not start playing with them today?

More than anything, you need to be patient. And like a parrot — repeat, repeat, repeat.

*Permission to punch the next person who tells you to calm down granted.