Do You Even Know Who You Are? (The Importance of Knowing Your Personality Traits)
A study conducted by Nathan W. Hudson and Brent W. Roberts from the University of Illinois found that the vast majority of people wished they had totally different personalities.
They wanted to change. To be someone else.
I wonder why?
Well. Fuck. Have we not lived our lives being told we're not good enough? Do we not idolise celebrities and — even more depressing — influencers on social media? Are we not inundated with images of those we perceive to be perfect? Those we are told we should aspire to? Do we not spend our entire lives desperately seeking approval from others. And ourselves?
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Personal development can also drive this longing for change.
"You can be whoever you want to be. All you need is a little elbow grease. And to stop being a little bitch. Bitch."
But can you really be whoever or whatever you want to be?
Maybe. But the odds are often far more stacked against you than any guru would ever lead you to believe — resulting in delusion. And an unmerciful amount of suffering.
Because you don't play to your strengths.
It's not to say a little elbow grease isn't required. And it's certainly not to say you should just lay down and accept things the way they are — especially if they're shit.
It's also not to say change isn't possible.
However, that change is unlikely to be as dramatic as the movies depict. Or that which you desire? Or that which is being sold! You're not going to walk into a phone box as Clark Kent and walk out 5-seconds later as Superman.
If only it were that simple.
We have been conditioned to be entitled. To be self-centric. To believe we shouldn't have to suffer. For anything. Or anyone. That we should have it all. And we should have it now.
Translated: We have been conditioned — many of us — to be a mess.
And because we are overly-stimulated with bullshit messaging telling us we can do or be whatever or whomever we want, more often than not, our actions only ever perpetuate this mess.
And while that is unfair. It is what it is.
Therefore, if you want to change, you should probably first figure out who you are. Not necessarily who you want to be.
By that I mean, if you discover you are highly introverted and you have aspirations to be highly extraverted, like — I dunno — Kevin Hart, then you are likely setting yourself up for failure.
Your aspirations are likely a result of poor conditioning, approval-seeking, and not knowing who you are.
With a greater understanding and level of self-acceptance as to who you are, you can pivot your aspirations to a more attainable ideal. And save yourself a tremendous amount of suffering in the process. Yay!
You can strive to become a little more extraverted. But not necessarily burden yourself with the stress of having to own every room you walk into.
And even small changes can cause a big shift in perception. Which is just bloody marvelous.
Maybe you are playing in the wrong arena?
This is why I ramble on about understanding, acceptance, and patience so much — I truly believe that without them, we are setting ourselves up for destruction.
Let's look at another personality trait: Neuroticism.
Those who score high in neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depression, and loneliness.
Neuroticism sucks. Fortunately, life can be made substantially easier if you manage it.
If you score high in neuroticism, we know it is partly down to your DNA.
When you seek advice and counsel on the Internet, you must remember — more often than not — those advising you and telling you it's easy to be Mary Poppins rarely take into consideration who you are. Or how you might differ. Or what your life circumstances might have been.
“They speak from their own experience, context, biases, and stories. ”
Much of what I am referring to is based on the five-factor model — or the Big Five — which measures our personalities based on — you guessed it — five traits.
A lot has gone into shaping your personality:
Daddy's sperm and Mummy's egg both play a role. More commonly referred to as genetics!
Likely the biggest factor in determining your personality is your environment — which includes your parents.
It's a rough day for parents everywhere. I can hear the words, "why couldn't they have worn a condom?" echo as I type.
Although, it is likely most of you have parents that would do more for you than any other soul on this planet. So let's cut them some slack. It was their parent's fault!
The good news is change is possible:
And the better you manage your expectations — and not allow yourself to be distracted by all the crap out there — the more likely you are to achieve it.
This is key.
It all revolves around action — repetitive action. With, hopefully, proper guidance, accountability, and support. Not to mention personal responsibility.
So the question remains: who do you want to be?
But maybe, more importantly, do you even know who you are?
You can take a free Big Five personality test here.