Vital Elements for Healing NOT to be Overlooked
Regardless of your affliction - anxiety, stress, burnout, panic attacks, etc., there are elements you must not ignore if you wish for a successful recovery.
Likely, because of what stems from them, the most important seeds you'll sow on any healing journey are self-worth, self-belief, self-compassion, self-love, and to stop giving a fuck about irrelevant people's opinions!
The obvious question that springs to mind is —how does one get there? From turmoil to freedom?
And that, my friend, is no easy answer because the reality is it's different for everyone. i.e., just because your friend got indoctrinated into a spiritual cult they now can't stop raving about doesn't necessarily mean it will work for you. It might work for you. But, it might also mean they're crazy or have zero understanding of the complexity of human problems beyond their own.
Now, I'm not going to mention the importance of understanding, acceptance, patience, or managing your expectations yet again because I don't want to piss you off...
... So, I'll mention them inadvertently and accept that I might just do that.
What's important is progress and doing your best with the resources you have available to help propel you forward. A philosophy for life, if you will. If you're doing your best - how can you fault yourself?
Of course, you can fault yourself today. You're a pro! This is why self-compassion is a vital skill to practice. And, boy, oh boy, does it takes practice!
Please also know that sometimes doing your best means NOT trying.
That's right, sometimes, this work gets exhausting, and more than anything, you must permit yourself to take a break from it all because you better believe if you don't - and you're exhausted - your anxiety and stress will get worse - not better. Consider it an act of (screw it, here comes my least favourite word) "radical" self-love!
A question to ponder: Is your family hurting or helping you?
A serious question. There's all sorts of drama that can occur here — none of which I'm about to get into. I will say most want to help. However, more often than not, they simply don't know how to help.
If they're not helping you and you're not in a position to communicate this to them, and they receive it, you're probably best to give them a pass for now and not pine for their support. Because, as you say, they're NOT helping. You can win this battle without them.
Moving it along
Any "professional" who leads you to believe a multi-discipline approach isn't necessary is doing you a disservice. At least, in my experience. There's nowhere near enough humility in this work. But I guess humility doesn't do a great job paying the bills.
Now that we've cleared that up, you can look to take a holistic approach for real, lasting results.
So what is a holistic approach? Consider your:
Mental health
Physical health
Spiritual health, and
Emotional health
They're all linked, so it's best not to try to avoid one. You'll see what I mean further down the yellow brick road.
Spirituality still confuses me. I think it's because it's a hotspot for charlatans and narcissists pretending to be enlightened Gods.
However, if it helps, here's where I sit with it today: I think it's about developing faith or trust - in someone, something, somewhere - that all will work out. And for that reason, I believe it's best kept sacred. And also, extremely important.
Let’s keep going. This will hardly surprise you, but I strongly believe if you do NOT take a multi-discipline approach, you are greatly hindering your chances of recovery. And it seems Science is on my side. Or, ahem, I am on the side of Science.
With that said, here are some areas to focus on if you wish to significantly reduce your stress or anxiety, build emotional resilience, and live a way happier life.
Your Physiology
Stress wreaks havoc on our physiology. Poor physiology then creates a feedback loop that generates more stress. Therefore, you must work to address your physiology.
Posture correction techniques, movement, breathing, yoga, meditation, Qi-Gong, the list goes on... All can work wonders in helping improve your physiology.
If in doubt, look to the ancient wisdom of the East and ask yourself if the Monks would approve?
2. Your Breath
Stress causes shallow breathing, which in turn causes more stress—another bastard of a feedback loop that will keep you stuck in anxious patterns unless addressed.
I have written about breathwork extensively on IG and have an entire article coming soon on the blog, so I'll say no more for now.
3. Your Behaviours
What current behaviours are contributing to your stress and anxiety? What current behaviours - healthy ones - help ease your stress and anxiety?
Answer those two questions honestly, and you can begin to adjust your lifestyle accordingly.
Yes, that might mean quitting a job, changing careers, or ending a relationship. Or it could mean something way more subtle, like addressing your nutrition, reducing your caffeine, or upping your water intake.
For some, swapping the word "behaviours" with "people" will be beneficial when answering the above questions also.
4. Your Habits
Jumping on the back of behaviours - current scientific estimates are that some 95 percent of brain activity is unconscious. Included within this spectrum are our habits. So we walk through life doing shit that doesn't serve us without awareness of the damage it is causing.
It's important to identify what you habitually do that contributes to your stress and work to swap them for healthier habits that aid your stress relief.
5. Personal Accountability
Accountability from a coach, therapist, friend, mentor, guide, whatever is all great, but more than anything, you must be accountable to yourself.
It's essentially acceptance - knowing the responsibility for change rests on your shoulders and your shoulders alone. And in so many instances, it sucks and is unfair. But it is what it is. Life is unfair.
Without personal accountability and acceptance - you're doomed to get worse. Not better.
6. Facing Your Fears
Fearless doesn't exist. Some fears, you can get away without facing. Why would anyone ever want to get over the fear of spiders? Call the most reckless human you know, even if it's your mum, and have them deal with the hairy-legged mutant. Problem solved.
I shit myself at the thought of giving a Ted Talk. No problem. Nobody's calling asking me to give a Ted Talk.
That said, I am acutely aware that I don't love public speaking. So I slowly and periodically tip away at this fear pragmatically because it's healthy for me to do so. Communication is likely the no.1 skill we can all work on - whether we fear it or not.
This sprung to mind recently, and I believe it's worth sharing: While there is some correlation between mental health and confidence, I don't believe it's anywhere near as much as we tell ourselves - and that, paradoxically, can cause more stress and anxiety.
I used to think I had to exude the confidence of James Bond in all aspects of life to "not" be broken. Hardly a belief that served me.
With anxiety, our fears are mostly irrational. And often stem from trauma - both BIG T's and little t's - which is an entirely different thesis.
The way I see it, if said fear is dictating your life or preventing you from living your life how you wish, then it is a fear you would benefit greatly from facing. Sooner rather than later.
It's not necessary to do this on the weekend. Fifteen years ago, it wasn't uncommon for me to shake and sweat when I had to answer a phone at work or call a client. Today, I can support a group of people over Zoom and, for the most part, wing it. But, I still need to prime myself, and it’s only because we're discussing solutions to problems I deeply understand and have an abundance of experience with.
You have to be pragmatic and realistic when it comes to tackling your fears, compete against you and you only, have compassion, break bigger goals down to achievable micro-goals, and celebrate your wins along the way.
Your fears are your business. Nobody else's. In my experience, as long as I am taking action towards addressing mine, it greatly eliminates the self-criticism that can arise from trying to ignore the fact they exist.
7. Learn to regulate your nervous system
Nervous system health is mental health. Your Autonomic Nervous System controls both your parasympathetic (rest and digest) and sympathetic (fight or flight) responses.
When your ANS is faulty, it will impact your entire world. The same methods we use to improve our physiology (see above), including the breath, also help improve our nervous system health while developing emotional resilience.
So while all this can feel intimidating, good news - once one domino falls, the others can soon follow.
8. Figure out your needs
We have needs - of all different categories, shapes, and sizes. Our needs can be met in both healthy and unhealthy ways. The latter leads to dysregulation and stress; the former leads to regulation and peace.
Consider anxiety and stress warning signs that you are currently meeting your needs in unhealthy ways — it pays dividends to figure out how you are currently meeting your needs, what's serving you, and what's not, and make the necessary adjustments.
9. Get help
For some reason, we've no problem getting help for insignificant problems of little to no consequence. "Mum, there's a teeny-tiny spider in my bedroom!" But because it's your mental health (oh, the shame of it), all of a sudden, it's best to figure it out alone? Hell No!
Stress and anxiety can negatively impact every aspect of your life. Unfortunately, they don't just disappear.
If you find someone who understands your problem and knows what they're talking about, the benefits you stand to gain will outweigh any associated costs by a ratio of at least 100:1. Probably a hell of a lot more. Your options are vast. Find what works best for you, and go for it.