Anxieties Greatest Nemesis
A nemesis can be defined as a "long-standing rival, archenemy, or opponent whom one finds incredibly challenging to overcome or defeat — an inescapable agent resulting in one's demise or downfall."
Anxiety is the world’s greatest bastard and nemesis for many. But what if we look under the hood? What if something more sinister is going on? What if anxiety itself has a nemesis operating undercover in the unconscious that, unless you become aware of it, will continue to ensure anxiety is your greatest nemesis, holding all power over you?
Well, as it turns out, it has. This motherfucker goes by the name "Denial," an insidious little prick that shows up in many forms — all of which are a normal part of the journey and learning process, preventing millions of sufferers from retribution.
Does this sound familiar to you?
"I just want to be normal again."
Who doesn't? Hell, I would have sacrificed both my nuts to the Gods to feel normal again. For years, I was searching for a time machine: All I wanted was to be taken back to the day prior to the day my life changed forever so I could correct my mistakes and live life blissfully ignorant of panic and anxiety.
The problem is that desire — for normality — without fully accepting reality is one of the very reasons anxiety persists, thus pushing "normality" further away.
Here are just a few of the ways denial shows up:
Lack of acceptance
Self-pity
Trying to fight and hide it
Blaming others (even though they likely contributed)
Blaming yourself
Avoidance
Victim identity
A lack of commitment or unwillingness to prioritise recovery
So on and so forth. All of which will significantly hinder or prevent you from getting better.
Again, denial is a normal stage of the process — one the internet certainly doesn't help with. Once I knew I had panic disorder, GAD, and the rest, my desire for that time machine grew significantly because now I believed it should exist. So what's one to do?
"Well, hello there, Google. I appear to have this thing called anxiety, which I would love a cure for. ASAP."
"Sure thing, Nicky. Here's a bunch..."
And so I bought every course and read every book that PROMISED me I would never experience anxiety ever again. And, unsurprisingly, none of it worked.
But why?
For one, it was a one-size solution for all.
Secondly, they mostly avoided the root cause, which is convenient but detrimental.
Thirdly, there was little emphasis on the mind-body connection.
And fourthly, it set me up to have ridiculous expectations that would almost guarantee failure.
You need a stable and realistic foundation to work from. So what does that look like?
What is the opposite of denial?
I have spent years trying to answer this question using both research and real-life case studies from those that get the best results in the fastest time, and I have narrowed it down to four fundamentals which I have spoken about in the micro-course, but will quickly brush over once more.
The first is Understanding: You need to understand your anxiety on a psychological and physiological level, but also — and just as, if not more important — you need to understand what's caused this, based on your environment, past experience, etc.
The second is Acceptance: You need to accept reality and stop trying to run from it — you need to embrace your anxiety because you understand this is an essential part of the healing process. The less you fear it, the more it will subside.
The third is Healthy Expectations: Suppose you are searching for an easy definitive cure like I was? If something sounds too good to be true, it's likely bullshit.
And last but certainly not least is, wait for it...
Patience: You must understand that by allowing yourself to slow down and do it right, you will significantly speed up the recovery process, potentially saving yourself years or a lifetime of despair in the process.
If you approach this journey with a stable foundation, you might just shock yourself with the results and how quickly you achieve them.
Now, you might be thinking, "Screw you, Nicky. I won't accept anything less than complete eradication. Ain't no way I'm dropping my guard, befriending that bitch, or looking in the mirror at all my shame and vulnerability."
Again, normal. The good news is that admitting this to yourself, along with a willingness to change, is often enough to release the pressure valve to create the space to do the work and find that relief you need to go further for greater relief.
I cannot emphasize this enough: It doesn't have to occur all at once. And it shouldn't. Unfortunately, if you refuse to accept anything less, you’ll end up torturing yourself.
It’s important to create healthy goals and expectations:
Do this by breaking down bigger goals into micro-goals, and you'll be surprised at how fast you progress. On the flip side, you will likely go backward if you try to accomplish too much too soon.
Remember: The only progress you need to measure is your own. This is not a game nor competition — this is your mental health, future, happiness, and prosperity. It's your fucking life.
So, if you are currently living in denial, you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?